Amanda: Welcome back Vikki Fraker.
Vikki: Thank you, Amanda Augustine
Amanda: We're gonna take a little bit of a journey today because Vikki you talk a lot about living your truth, but First we have to figure out what that truth is and that truth leads to trust in ourselves, right? And that's the way you've explained it to me. So I'd like to talk today about what that journey looks like of discovering that truth and how that translates into trust for ourselves.
Vikki: Wow, there's so much there, so many entry points. Again, I just always talk about my journey. I don't ever try to tell anybody what their way is, so I come sharing my truth with all the freedom and space for anyone listening to find their own truth. I could not count on being safe with myself. And yes, I had an extreme life of addiction and abuse. But after I got that under control, I still could not trust myself for a long time. I didn't feel at home or I didn't feel safe within myself. And Pat and I explored really having a different relationship with ourselves, with our head and with our heart. That mine were not in alignment. That my heart wanted to be compassionate and nurturing with myself. But my head was so rooted in criticalness and judgment. And so it's hard to trust someone if you think about a child and an adult. If an adult is very critical judgmental and holding the reins tight and watching closely for you to mess up. That's a scary place to live and that's what I was doing to myself. Was having these incredible perfectionist standards imposed on my every move. I just couldn't be at home or feel safe within myself and that was when Pat and I went on that journey. And it eventually became one of our Signposts, one of our pointers and tools at The Farm, which is “I speak my truth from a place of love.” And so as you mentioned, in order to speak your truth from a place of love, you have to know what your truth is. And I didn't realize, but for me, my truth changed, it evolved, it expanded, it grew, it shifted. And so that's why it's always so important to be connected with your heart. Because as you experience life, as your relationships change, as life situations happen, what becomes true for you changes. And so yes, it is speaking our truth, but it's a continual journey of staying connected to our truth.
03:19
Amanda: Yeah, like a little check in with yourself. You know, does this still feel right for me? Am I still living authentically in this situation, the words that I'm using, do they, you know, all still resonate with my soul?
Vikki: Yeah, because we're trained up, we're conditioned in a certain way to speak a certain way, to act a certain way, to like certain things, certain etiquette. I mean, just however your, you know, home life was, the way you were raised is how you become an adult in the world until...usually you leave home and you look up and you realize, God, people, people do life differently out there. And so instead of just being on autopilot, at some point, you start waking up and saying, no, this was handed to me. And this is how we do it. This is not the way I want to do it. This is not what I believe in my core, just because I was taught and raised that way. That is not what I believe. So I didn't even know that I had permission to go on a journey of connecting with my heart and seeing what my truth was.
Amanda: You missed that class in elementary school?
Vikki: Yes. I mean, you know, usually rooted in a lot of fear. “This is the way we do things.”
Amanda: And it just becomes automatic. You don't question it.
Vikki: It's automatic.
Amanda: This is how I've always done it.
Vikki: Yeah. Until usually a lot of times for most of us it takes deep suffering, a tragedy, a major life event before we wake up and say, that is not the way I want to live my life. That is not what I freaking believe. That is not how I want to spend my time, my money, and my energy or my life. No. I have a calling to spend it in a different way. And I'm actually going to go on a journey and continually be on that journey, but I'm going to stay true to what that is.
05:23
Amanda: One of the first steps you've taught me is to just stay open, right? That discovery process because I've, I've, this has been for me, you know, a couple of years just trying to, to learn who I am. Right? You go through motherhood. I think and like you say, you kind of cut off pieces of yourself along the way, you know, for your children and rightly so. A lot of times, you know, that's what mothers do. And but we get to this point where our children start sort of leaving the nest and we have to come back around to ourselves. And often like we don't even know who we are anymore. Imagine that. So anyway, with all of that said, kind of the first step in the process that you taught me was to just in order to discover all of those is just to stay open. Right? To stay open and get still.
Vikki: Yeah, any kind of journey. It's so interesting. When a child goes on a journey, they are so full of not knowing. They are so full of joy and excitement and they don't even know why they're joyful.
Amanda: And no fear. No fear.
Vikki: And that is the rhythm that I really encourage other people to go on is...to tap into those childlike qualities that were there before you started cutting off pieces to give to your kids and your family and all of that. They never go away. I believe I say it all the time, it's what was breathed into you, it's what you love, it's all those things, and they never go away. And so when we can approach with this openness of, “I don't, I don't know what's next. I am gonna tap into this childlike quality of curiosity, of being okay with not knowing.” Some of the conditioned way of adulting responsibility, seriousness, it loses its grip and the childlike wonder and curiosity comes in and when you're open, and you're connected to that childlike joy, you start seeing and experiencing miracles everywhere. But from my experience, that responsible adult mind has to loosen its grip a little bit.
07:56
Amanda: Yeah, we're pretty serious as a whole. I mean, it's all about the doing and the list making and getting it done.
Vikki: Which I think obviously there are times to be serious. I always like inappropriate humor at those serious moments. That may be a little too childlike, but if we are serious, the majority of the time we are being robotic and not really live in our life because long periods of approaching life in such a serious manner, in my experience, squeezes the joy and the life out of everything.
Amanda: A hundred percent. Yeah, for sure. For sure. So it's kind of like, you know, how you meet the world. If you meet the world with that childlike curiosity, you'll probably be met with more joy and excitement and adventures and all of the things you attract by being open to it.
Vikki: Yeah. I mean, we know what it's like being around people that are very...tight that are very closed off that are very serious, rigid, whatever your words are. I don't, I don't know about you, but I can feel that when I'm in those people's space or energy, I can feel that I'm constantly being judged or…
Amanda: pulled to be serious with them.
Vikki: Yes, it's this God. It's just this restraint and imprisonment is what it feels like to me, of again, like all the life has been squeezed out of someone. We know what it's like being around those people. And then we also know what it's like being around people who are really gracious and who are really tender and who ask a lot of questions like children. It's all those childlike qualities and who really are present for the conversation or the experience, they really have let let go of their mind of what they're going to say next or, and just really being present with the other. God, it's such a different exchange.
10:17
Amanda: Authenticity, I think is there's just no replacement for it.
Vikki: Yeah. And so to bring it back to the beginning of how does that relate to learning to trust yourself? That example I just gave of what's it like to be around someone who's always waiting for you to make the wrong move. You can't trust that person because that is walking on eggshells, not knowing how they're going to respond, not knowing if they're going to go off, not knowing if they're going to insult you versus you can trust someone that you know is generous and gracious and kind. And som until you learn how to be that way with yourself. A lot of times it's hard to trust, you know, that it's a beautiful thing when you can learn to trust yourself because how you move and breathe and live and show up is very different from when you don't trust yourself.
Amanda: I agree. And I think it's like that authenticity to being comfortable in your own skin and that comes outwardly out when you can feel okay with who you are on the inside. And that's a struggle for a lot of people though. I mean, to show themselves to the world, I think it's just a vulnerable place. But I think the more in tune you get inside, I think it makes the external easier.
Vikki: Yeah. And I think like Brene Brown says, everybody doesn't deserve to know the truth of who you are. It's not just going out into the world naked, emotionally in every way. It's like people have to, you know, earn the right to actually tap into those vulnerable places within ourself. But I do think how you show up in life, how you show up in the world really is based on how you show up for yourself, you know, and, and can you show up in that trusting way and can you learn to trust others that are trustworthy? You know, and, and how do you, how do you do that? Well, you trust yourself.
Amanda: Well, you, you demonstrate it, um, have, have demonstrated it just about how you talk to yourself, you know, like, like put placing your hand over your heart and really tapping into how does this, you know, how does this sit with you? How does this feel?
Vikki: Yeah, I do. I say that all the time. Like “sweetheart, what's going on, sweetheart? What do you, what do you need right now?” Like it's, it's really paying attention to the deeper things that are going on within myself. It encourages me to live life at a deeper level instead of, um, always, “how do you see me? What do you think of me? How do you…” you know, and our culture does that all the time everywhere, you know? So it's, it's, again, it's so important that we give ourselves a different presence, that we give ourselves a different attention and the whole point of giving ourselves that is so that we can then give that to others.
Amanda: Trust yourself first.
Vikki: Yeah, you can “come home” and trust your heart and trust your truth and be guided and be led into wisdom and truth and all of the beautiful things that we want our lives to be. You deserve that just because you are. No other reason, and you can trust that.
13:49
Amanda: Any parting words of wisdom for us? I mean, you've given us so many already, but...
Vikki: I would say put your hand over your heart and take some deep breaths and ask the deepest part of your soul, “sweetheart, what do you most need right now?” And then give yourself that.
Amanda: So, we'd love for you to come over and visit our website at farm2souls.com. We have a lot of fun stuff going on on social as well. So, find us on Instagram and Facebook at Farm2Souls. Love you, Vikki.
Vikki: Love you, Amanda.
END 14:35
