Amanda: Sign post number one. We are spiritual beings having a human experience?
Vikki: Yes.
Amanda: It's a big one because it's number one. Right? I mean, did you pick it based on its bigness or does that just where it fell in the continuum?
Vikki: No, it's to start at the beginning. That was the beginning journey for me was understanding there really are two of me. And I say that not like I'm Sybil…”like, Hey, hey, how you doing? I'm good. How you doing?” Not like that. But there is a physical five sensory external self that came into this world that is a part of life that we all know about our culture, family, religion, everything focuses on our external selves, what you produce, what you perform, what you have, accumulations, all of that, accomplishments, that is forefront of most people's lives. And there's another part of me that I didn't know personally on a deep level was my heart, my soul, my spirit…that it longed for very different things than just what the physical aspects longed for, that there was a deeper underlying rhythm in my heart and soul, that I needed to learn how to feed and even learn how to acknowledge it, and then pay attention to it and then feed it.
01:56
Amanda: And I think the...the one that's more based on the physical world and all that's, it's measurable. Like I think humans like to have some form of measurement or, “okay, I've made it to this…” where the other is so much more subjective and it's not measurable. And it's kind of a, like you feel like it doesn't exist because you can't feel it or see it or touch it.
Vikki: Well, it doesn't exist for a lot of people and it didn't for me. So that's all I know about. So I'll talk about my experience. But what you have to remember is we are conditioned, we are trained to produce. And those things that you listed, it's all based on what you can produce. Yeah, you can quantify those things, your output, what you produce. But when I learned to change the order up, it's not that our physical or external presence or existence is, bad or not good. I don't even like to say those words. I whispered them. It's that for me there was a different order. I had to learn to put the emphasis and the focus on my heart, my soul, my spirit, my eternal self. Some people call it a true self or false self on my true self on my deepest self. I had to learn to pay attention and to put some energy on that and to actually change the order. So that for me was number one, was the most important. And secondly was then the external self and how I showed up in the world. Because when you connect with the deeper part of yourself first and give yourself attention and allow yourself to love what you love, how you then show up to perform your activities duties responsibilities in the world changes. When you change the order of how you do things, the quality of your life changes…mine did.
04:06
Amanda: Yeah, and I think when you do the inward first you develop that sense of being enough I think where then you take that out into the world where if you do it the opposite which I often do “the producing the producing the producing” I never feel enough because my to-do list is never empty. So of course, I'm never feeling like I'm enough. But if I did the inward journey first, I would already have established that I'm enough.
Vikki: Yeah, it's a deeper knowing. It's a deeper knowing of really, what does it mean to understand your worth? What does it mean to understand that you were breathed into and created for a specific reason of being who you are, being first and then doing second. And I think when we don't learn that, we do keep looking outwardly for something that we long for internally, and it just can never be fulfilled.
Amanda: And I think we don't slow down long enough, or many of us don't slow down long enough to really tap into that and to recognize it and acknowledge it.
Vikki: Well, stillness is the way that's, that's what I learned. It may not be your way. So I never try to tell people what their way may be. But for me and for many other people, the way you, so it's like, how do you do that? How do you pay attention to your heart and soul? How do you put your spirit first and you're doing second? How do you do that? Stillness, stillness is the way. Stillness is the inward journey whether you call it contemplation or stillness or meditation. For me it is the way to change the order of going inward…
Amanda: and probably one of the harder things for people to do in our society. Right? I mean and and you can get good at it and you can teach yourself But I don't think that it's outwardly taught to do that and so I think a lot of people, that's a scary journey to start going inward.
Vikki: Well, I think the way you get better at it is to practice it and everything in our culture pulls us into a place of distraction because if it can hook us into being distracted, it owns us. And so again, then we start believing those lies. “The more I do, the more I am.” All of those lies you talked about and it's like, no, there's a lie. The bar keeps being raised. And then you realize there's not even a bar. It's just this conditioned way of hooking us into not living our lives, not paying attention, not being present, not being fully alive for our life, being in our mind onto our next accomplishment or next doing.
Amanda: You mentioned learning to love what you love.
Vikki: It is a constant mantra out at the farm, letting ourselves love what we love. I realized in the beginning when I heard that, it felt like the most, it felt like the most selfish and self absorbing thing to let yourself love what you love. Like who do you think you are?
What arrogance, your life is supposed to be about serving others. And when I did that first and just went out there and served others, over time I resented it because I gave what I didn't have to give. And I gave in hopes that these bitches up here would see me giving and give back to me. So it was done transactionally. I'm doing this for you. What can you do for me?
Amanda: Those aren't clean links.
Vikki: Those aren't clean links that we talk about at the farm. Exactly. Exactly. But when I went on this journey of really letting myself in this childlike curious way, love what I love, it actually brought me to a different relationship with how I love my creator by loving things that are in the natural world by loving my animals, by loving walks in the woods, by loving riding my horse, by doing all these things while being fully present with the intention of filling up on love so that I could recalibrate my spirit first, my physicalness second, how I showed up to serve and love others changed. It wasn't with an undertow of energy, of doing things, keeping score, resenting it.
Amanda: Those expectations.
09:23
Vikki: Yes, yes, it released all that. People feel being served that way. People feel being loved that way. I know I do. I don't wanna love people that way with this expectation, with this transactional, “I'll do for you, will you do for me?” And so that was one of the things that Pat and I worked on in the very beginning. That's why it is signpost number one, is until you can let yourself really love what you love, tap into that Dharma that you were created for, what comes natural to you? And we always, you know, I can always, relate it back to a child. What did you naturally do as a little girl or little boy that it just flowed out of you with no thought of is it going to be rejected or not? You just did it, whatever it was. And so it's tapping back into that childlike curiosity of letting yourself love what you love. You're a spirit first and a physical being second. I would tell you the guy's name, but you know, I'm going to check it up and I'm going to do it in my country way. “Tellier del Chardin” (Pierre Teilhard de Chardin) is the, he's the one that said I'm a spiritual. He was a wise soul. I think he was a Jesuit priest or, um, hell, I don't know. I just know I read him a lot and he has some good shit to say.
Amanda: He sounds like a good guy. He was long, long time ago. So let's go back to this, you know, these two halves of who we are. And let's talk about the quick pace of life and how probably going to have people be like, “Oh, nobody got time for that.” As far as the balance, right? Like Vikki, you're not sitting out in your loin cloth in your teepee for six hours a day meditating. So talk a little bit about what that looks like in just an everyday existence because that's hard to balance that.
11:30
Vikki: Yeah, it doesn't mean that we don't have shit to do. I say that all the time. We have a 30-acre farm. I have lots of shit to do. For me, Amanda, it really is the small ways of just slowing things down. It really is. I always say start wherever you are, because your small step may be my big step. So you start where you are, and you take small steps of moving in that direction of creating more stillness in your life. I mean, to say “I'm gonna meditate for 30 minutes a day”, if that works for you, go ahead. That would not work for me. For me, I just have to slow it all down and start off my day. I do start off my day on my knees in gratitude and prayer. And I just ask for help to slow it all down. I want to move slow I want to move and be present in my life. I don't want to be moving so fast that I look up in 10 years go by and I don't I wasn't even there for it.
Amanda: Right. I think that's how most people feel. And I think most people do crave on and I know I do just slowing down. I think the world just moves at such a quick pace. But there's going to be those you know, and I and me included like, come on, Vik, like, I can't how are we going to do that? I mean, we all like I…
12:57
Vikki: But I always say you can take some deep breaths at a red light. Like you can take some deep breaths. That's how I start to slow it all down. And then the more I start slowing it all down, the more I actually want to practice slowing it down even more. And then my, you know, deep breaths at a red light really do turn into for me a carved out space of stillness sometimes its 5 minutes sometimes it's 30 minutes but for me I have to practice small steps of slowing life down and reminding myself why I'm slowing life down is so I actually can be present for it. I mean there's so much research by so many people who are hospice nurses and they meet with people who are at the edge of life and they say, what do you wish you had more time for? And we know the answer.
Amanda: We all do.
Vikki: We all know the answer. So it's like, if you know that only you can choose that somebody's a fairy is not going to come out of the sky or maybe she will.But in my experience, a fairy has not come out of the sky and said, Vikki, I grant you stillness. It's like you have to claim it.
Amanda: You have to work for it, yeah.
Vikki: Nobody's gonna give that to you. You have to give that to yourself. So it's up to us, I believe, for those that want to be awake for this life to pay attention, to slow it all down, and then to actually choose some of those things. You have to choose it. It's a choice. We all get free will. But remember, what lies in the balance of that, what lies in the wake of your choices is your life. And your life is based on the quality of your relationships. And your relationships are based on the quality with the relationship with yourself.
Amanda:It's just all connected.
Vikki: It's all connected. You know, I think sometimes we forget that we have the power to choose. And so I think it's really important to remember that what you choose really does become the quality of your life. And each of us deserve a life with deep purpose and meaning and connection and relationships, and it's up to us to actually do our necessary inward work so that then who we become outwardly is what our life is all about. It's a life well lived.
Amanda: I love it. Well, we'll end it there this episode. But as always, Vikki, it's just always such a pleasure to sit and chat with you and all your worldly wisdom.
Vikki: I don't know about all of that. But I've got some life experience. I can tell you that.
Amanda: You certainly do girl. You got some life experience. Well, if you want to learn more about Farm2Souls, you can visit our website at farm2souls.com or find us over on social at Instagram and Facebook at Farm2Souls.
